


I forgot to tell you that I love you

by Nathaniel_KurtzbergAnciel



Series: I forgot to tell you that I love you [4]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Chapter 13 could be considered underage, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-19 00:50:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20201005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nathaniel_KurtzbergAnciel/pseuds/Nathaniel_KurtzbergAnciel
Summary: Since my level of english is not enough to write a full story, there are summaries of the #Marcaniel stories I wrote. I hope you'll enjoy them!"You fell in love with me.I fell in love with you.But what's left of usNow that you left?""I forgot to tell you that I love you" is a story about how becoming an adult, body, art, love and superheroes./!\WARNING/!\ You need to be 17yo at least to read this story. I'll mention in a chapter if something happens.- If you don't like french culture or have a lack of understanding concerning it, please stay away.- If you have issues with people growing up and struggling with puberty and the change in their body, please stay away.- If you have issues with two youngsters falling in love and growing up and discovering love with soul and body, please stay away.You can follow me on social media.Twitter : @Nath_Kurtzberg for lots of #Marcaniel's content.





	1. Part 1 : NATH

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [J'ai oublié de te dire je t'aime](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/506782) by Nathanciel. 

> Hi! I'm Nath... I mean everybody in the french fandom call me that! Last year I started to write a long saga concerning Nathaniel Kurtzberg and Marc Anciel. I wrote it in french... But recently I decided that I wanted to share the story in English too. But since I'm not really good at writing in English, I sent summaries of the story to some of my friends an told me it was a good idea to share it.
> 
> All of those fictions are parts of a whole series and develop several ideas and concepts, as well as show some parts of Paris. So I'm not okay with people re-using part of these stories in any ways.
> 
> They've all been printed into books and gifted to Thomas Astruc and Winny during the last edition if Japan Expo (2019).
> 
> You can follow me on social media.  
Twitter : @Nath_Kurtzberg for lots of #Marcaniel's content.


	2. Marc and Me

Nath is writing about himself, his classmates, his meeting with Marc. He describes his school and his classmates, the artroom where he likes to go, how much he's bullied by Chloé Bourgeois, how he loves Ladybug... He does a recap of the whole situation with _**Reverser**_ and what happens just after.

He talks a lot about Marc and his relationship with him : becoming friends, spending time together and falling deeply in love. He talks about Marc like he was his soulmate.

This chapter is quite emotional at first, really wistful. Nathaniel is actually 18yo now. he's done with High School and will soon a student but says that his plans changed because somethings happened recently. Indeed, Marc disappeared a few weeks before he starts writing and he's nowhere to be seen. Nath is sad he lost his lover. He so sad that he wanted to stop everything. He loses the will to enter Paris famous Shool of Animation Les Gobelins. However, his mother convinced him to enter the same School of Design that his friends Alix and Marinette. She doesn't want him to be alone. 

Then Nath explains that Marc left his notebook behind. He ignores if it has been done on purpose or if Marc forgot it. He can't resolve to send it in the trash and decides to keep it as a memory of their life together. he actually writes in this notebook at the moment. A notebook already full of ideas for their comic, with pages torn apart. The pages Nath tore apart when he met him the first time at Place des Vosges. Nath remembers this moment and thinks he was an idiot at that time for doing that to this poor Marc who just wanted to be friend with him. 

He then mentions that Marc left a letter behind that full of tears and barely readable because of how much he cried on it.

Nath thought life would always be simple with Marc by his side and that they were meant to be together till the end, but now he thinks that it was maybe all a lie. he's lost without him and doesn't know where he heads. Future is scary to him. 

Naths cries. He doesn't want to forget about Marc and still want to love him nevertheless.

"Marc, I wanted our story to be a fairytale..."


	3. Comics

A year has passed for Nathaniel. He's now 19yo. He didn't take the time to write during the past year as he focused on his studies. But now, he decides to write again in Marc's notebook. He talks about his friendship with Marinette and Alix. They support him but Alix starts showing some annoyance. He tells that the 3 of them are kind of famous in the school where they are because of where they come from. Marinette has the full support of Gabriel Agreste, Alix has a great team of street artists around her and she's the daughter of Le Louvre's curator and Nath is known because of his comics with Marc. 

He tells that people often ask him if they will keep doing the comics. Nath always answer that they decided to focus on their studies. He lies and it always reminds him that Marc is not their anymore. 

Nath focuses on how much time they spend together since they worked on their comics. At first the comic was only available in the artroom but it quickly became famous. Nath and Marc then they won a contest and had the chance to get published, they fact went together at different conventions like _**Japan Expo**_ where they met the team of the "Ladybug and Chat Noir" movie, Thomas Astruc and the others... They fact they helped Alya on the Ladyblog and they got a bit famous thanks to everything about that. But now, everything is over. Nath stopped the comics. 

He them writes about his relationship with the boy. How they loved each other and how Marc changed and grew up from a shy boy to a wonderful man in the few years they spent together. How they were meant to be together, like the two faces of the same coin. He also mentions that he doesn't want to forget Marc and he will never be able to forget about him.


	4. Secret Paris

Nath is writing in the notebook while taking a break on preparing for his exams. He needs to make an ad of Paris to promote the city for tourists. He explains that it will be easy for him to succeed and pass this exam since he knows every street of the Capitale city because he loves to explore it. He explained that he's studying Marketing design or something like that. He then tells that Paris is a city where is has tons of memories with Marc because they used to explore the city every weekend for their comics. Nath wanted to give a great importance to where Ladybug's battles were set because through her adventure he wanted readers to discover new parts of the city where he lives. Marc used to call him Gavroche for that.

While talking about Paris, it reminds him his first date with Marc outside of school. It is during summer after _**Heroes' Day**_. Their meeting point is on a bridge close to Notre Dame de Paris. It is a beautiful summer day, really hot and sweaty day. Lucky for them, André le glacier is there and they pay for an ice cream : Mint and Orange. Nath points out that with the ice cream, they were meant to be together and that André never fails when he meets lovers. They eat the ice cream together and then go to visit Notre Dame de Paris. They take tons of selfies together, happy and smiling, mimicking the tourists with their attitude, sunglasses and all. Marc and Nath also take poses for the comics. They also visit the crypt. They have a lot of fun together.

After that, they go on a walk somewhere on the **_Chemin de fer de Petite Ceinture_** in Paris : An ancient railway, where nature is back now. They walk along the railways together, taking pictures to get differents views of Paris. Nath also takes one of Marc walking before him, his hands in his pockets. A really beautiful cliché that he will keep secret from his friend. He loves this cliché. He also writes that this is the last picture he kept from Marc and the only one he can still look at because he can't see Marc's face on it. He still have a hard time to look at pictures of Marc because it makes him cry a river everytime. 

Back to the memory. After walking on the railways, they stop at an abandoned station where they enjoy their time together and takes other selfies together before they decide to go back home by going to a small private residential alley which give a beautiful view on Le Père Lachaise cemetry. They enter a really old and abandoned building. Walls fall apart and it's obviously dangerous. However, Nath wants to show Marc that he is a big guy by climbing the wall to see the view on the cemetry. He tries so hard to be adventurous and impress Marc here. The wall is falling apart under his feet and he falls. Marc is terrified and catch Nath. They both fall on the floor. Nath hears the sound of Marc's head knocking the floor and is afraid that he's injured because of him. Marc is half unconscious, almost fainted. Nath sits and take Marc's head on his lap. Marc sees Nath in the beautiful light of the sun.

"_ Do angels have hair made of the sun and eyes like the sky?"

Nath smiles fondly at him almost crying, but also relieved that his friend has nothing serious to be able to tell such nonsense. He caresses Marc's face and Marc takes his hand in his. They stay like that for a while until Marc feels better.

It was their first date. It was how they fell in love again with each other, how they were meant to be together. Now Nath knows that it's all in the past and that his beautiful and colourful days are grey. He sees ghosts of Marc everywhere he goes. 

"Paris is ma jail! Paris is my tomb!"


	5. These Little Moments

Nath starts writing about his curent life and studies. he doesn't want to get up because the previous day, he heard that Marc disappeared a while ago. Apparently, their parents called Nath's parents and all the people they know to see if Marc wasn't back in Paris, but no one saw him around. Nath has hope Marc would come back to him, but know that something like that can't happen.

He then talk about his friendship with Alix is harmed because of his current state. After all this time he is still sick of Marc's disappearence. He became really cynical and Alix is fed up to see him being like a ghost and all sad :

"You're a big schmuck!"

But Nath is actually afraid of letting go of Marc, to forget about him. He also knows that his attitude could make Hawkmoth akumatize him but nothing happened for now. He thinks that maybe Hawkmoth does not need him. He writes that he started smoking cigarettes to keep his level of stress low, but doesn't like it. He felt sick to the bones and gave up.

He's so afraid to forget about Marc that he decides to write a recollection of moments that made both of them come closer and closer. 

Memory 1

They eat in the school cafeteria together and work on their comics at the same time. The girls try to come along to see what they do, Marc is okay, but Nath is angry about that and send the girls away. They can wait until their comic is finished to read it. Usually, while working on the comic, Marc is playing characters and telling lines to emphasize the characters. He often plays Chat Noir flirting with Ladybug... and of course, Nath is Ladybug. At the beginning, it was embarrassing for Nath because they were in public, and it caused a ruckus the first time he did such a thing, but with time he got used to it. With year passing and thinking about it again, Nath understands that it was Marc's way to express his feeling for him without hiding.

Memory 2

During fall and Winter time. It's freezing outside, but Nath still wears summer clothes. He meets Marc in front of the shool. Marc wears a scarf, gloves and a beanie to prevent from the cold. In the school, the classrom are cold and the heaters are not turned on. Nath is freezing but doesn't really want to show it. During the break, he sneezes. Marc gaves him his scarf and beanie. The next winter, He offers matching beanie, scarf and gloves. Nath says it still have those and wear them when winter comes. Nath also writes they loved to be comfy angainst eachother sitting in the staircase during the break when it was cold.

Memory 3

After a party, Marc and Nath go back home. They walked along la Seine, hand in hand. It was a habit when they're alone. The weather is nice and pleasant. When they're in front of Nath's door, the time freeze. It's a feeling Nath feels everytime they look in each other eyes. He remembers Marc was shy that time. Finally, Marc kissed Nath on the cheek to say good night and then disappeared with the first taxi passing around. Since then, Marc alsways kissed Nath goodbye on the cheek when they parted ways.

Memory 4

This memory is connected to the previous memory. It's now a habit for Marc to kiss Nath on the cheek when they say goodbye to each other. But one time, Nath went home after Marc kissed him really close to his mouth.

"_ Sorry."

Marc is embarrassed, leavingg. When Nath is home, his mom smiles when she sees her son. She asks him lots of questions about having a girlfriend or a lover... Nath is annoyed and goes to his room. He sees his reflection in the mirror and sees a lipstick mark on the corner of his mouth and now understands why his mother was teasing him.

Memory 5

Nath discover Marc's room and compares it to a museum : It's filled with tons of posters of RockStar, tons of beautiful excentric and weird accessories. he is totally mesmerized by Marc's artistic realm. He remembers the feeling of being an ordinary little guy next compared to how Marc is unique to him. Marc hates when Nath talks about himself like that. He takes Nath's hands in his and kiss them, telling him that even if his appearance is ordinary, Nath's realm and talent are real and that Marc cherishes them.

"_ Your hands are a treasure Nath!"

Memory 6

Nath sleeps at Marc's place for the first time after they worked hard on their comics but he doesn't have change for the next day, to go to school. Marc lends him some clothes : a red hoodie and ripped denims. He also remembers Marc playing with his hair, ties them in a pony tail. Marc loved to see Nath with a pony tail. 

Nath feels really nostalgic after writing all about this little moments and habits they shared together. 

"I miss you Marc." 


	6. Shooting Star

It's summer time, during an event called _**La Nuit des Etoiles**_, happening once a year. Nath is at his grandparents house outside of the city to observe shooting stars. It's been a while he hasn't come back here. He couldn't do it because he was still thinking about Marc and the fact they came here together here a couple of time. he writes that they loved cuddling in blanckets on the roof while watching stars falling from the sky. 

Then, Nath writes about the first time he wanted to invite Marc there. He prepared everything in advance, watch the weather at his grandparents place to make sure he could go there, heck the trains, ask their parents and all... And then he asked Marc.

"_ What are you doing this weekend?"  
"_Oh! I'm going to a concert with Luka!"

Nath remembers that Marc and Luka are friends through music. Marc waited for a while to see this particular band. So he's really happy to ba able to see it. Nath is disappointed but can't show it in front of his friend and decides to give up on asking Marc out. He went to his grandpa house alone. He's on the roof with a telescope. The sky is clear, filled with stars shining like dianonds compared to Paris sky : black like ink with Paris lights enlighten it. Nature is peaceful around him and it feels like he's the only human being left on Earth.

Suddenly, he feels his phone. He receives a message from Marc. It's a picture of him having fun at the concert. He also asks Nath if they can spend some times together the next day. Nath replies and says he's not in Paris at the moment and sends Marc a photo of the sky. Marc replies back saying he wanted to be with Nath to share this moment, but Nath thinks it would have been selfish, since he has already spent money to buy a ticket to see the concert. He should have fun there. Nath is happy nevertheless because Marc is still thinking about him while enjoying his time at the concert. He receives a new message from Marc :   
  
"_ Then, I'll come with you next time!"  
"_ You know that next time is next year, right?"  
  
Nath, who was sitting, through himself back, lying now on the roof. He is happy because it means that Marc he's ready to support the annoying boy he can be. Nath still doubted that his friendship with Marc could last that long. Marc says that he always want to be with Nath : Forever. But "forever" is not enough for Nath.

"_ You and me for Eternity!"  
  
Marc repeats that in the next message with a smiling emoji... Nath feels a bit embarrassed because he knows that they wouldn't be able to share this kind of conversation if they were in front of each other. So he's relieved that everything happens by texting messages. He is also happy because he feels like they got married.

Present Nath wonders if this event was an omen concerning the fact that Marc wouldn't been there forever. Nath writes he stopped praying for Marc's return and that he lost hope. Marc was like a shooting star in his life and he will always love him. 


	7. My Ephebe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /!\WARNING/!\  
Mention of 1 beer drank by a 16yo/17yo boy.  
I don't encourage underage people doing that (OF COURSE) but it's something that may happen in France during parties. I just describe a reality.

Nathaniel writes how much he forgot concerning his relationship with Marc. The details coming back. The happiness that faded away. People's happiness bothers him a lo. he feels like a prisoner, trapped in a time that doesn't exist anymore. Alix asks him to take care of himself more instead of vagetate. Nath stopped eating, he's pale and seems sick.

He then writes about Marc quickly becoming the center of his own universe but wasn't aware of how much he was captivated. 

Memory 1

Nath goes to a party with his classmates on Juleka's ship. He wanted Marc to come with him but didn't dare to ask if he could. It was a party for the class after all. The party goes well but then, Nath sees Marc, smiling , very elegant and make up on, watching him, hands in pocket. They look each other in the eyes and it's like time is stopping around them. Then Luka comes by and clutches Marc. They both leave in front of Nath's eyes who is just taken aback. Marc and Luka are friends after all. Marc is embarrased and send Nath a small sign of the hand.

Nath sulks, jealous of what happened, on the stern of the ship, alone with an orange juice. Juleka 's mom does not allow them to drink alcohol, they're still underage. After a while being alone, watching the flow of the river, Marc joins him. He smells of beer because he shared one with Luka. Nath feels pathetic and like a little boy with his orange juice while Marc seems more mature and like an adult now. Marc sits next to Nath and explains why he's here: Luka sent him a message saying his sister was having a party with her classmates and that he didn't want to feel lonely. He keeps going by telling Nath, he told Luka that he came because he wanted to see Nath. Nath is happy but still sulks because he wanted to be the one inviting Marc. Then, they share some times alone, together before going back to the party, dancing and having fun.

Memory 2

Nath writes about Marc and the fact that he was a really beautiful boy. Very androgynous, with touch of make up, but still beautiful without make up. Maybe even more. He explains that he could have all the girlfriends he wanted but Marc was always pretending he was too busy for this and that. Marc always pretended they needed to work on their comics blablabla... But at that time, Marc was also struggling with puberty. his body was changing, while Nath thought he was staying the same. Marc was growing tall, having new muscles. his face changed becoming more angular with more masculine features. His voice was also changing, going deeper. He didn't like and sometimes stalk talking. Sometimes Marc comes to school without make-up. Nath knew something was wrong, but he loved Marc's new body. He always used Marc as reference for anatomy, asking him to pose on the bed, while Nath draws him.

One day, whilst Marc is sleeping at Nath's place, after he took a bath, Nath goes back to his room and sees Marc observing his body, horrified, in the mirror. Marc sees Nathaniel and stops pretending everything is fine. Nath sees all the sadness on Marc's face. Marc goes to sit on Nath's bed.

"_ I don't want this body! I don't want to grow up!"  
  
But Marc never cried while saying that. Nath closes the distance between them and embrace him tightly against his chest. Nath is the one crying.  
  
"_ Why Marc! Your the most beautiful person in the entire world! You're beautiful! A work of art!"  
  
Then they went to bed together. Nath invited Marc in his bed for the first time since they met, and he hugged Marc tightly and they fell asleep. The next morning, the sun falls on Marc. Nath wakes up and tells him how beautiful he is and that he will tell him everyday until they die if he needs to. Marc gets up, goes to take a shower, and when he comes back in Nath's room, he has his hair cut and his lipstick back on.

Present Nath understands that Marc was scared to grow up because he was afraid to lose Nath forever, that Nath wouldn't be interested in him anymore.   
  
Memory 3 

Nath and Marc both works together on the comic, lying next to each other on Nath's bed. Nath is drawing and Marc works on the following episode. But Marc needs a break. he extends his arm on Nath's material and pillow, destroying what he was working on. Nath also decides to take a break and sit his head on Marc shoulder. They're both really close from each other. Marc is flushing red. Then he takes his courage and turn is head to face Nath. They're so close to each other. They're talking, and feels the breath of each other. It's a really close moment. They look each other in the eyes and it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist anymore. Then, Nath decides to trace Marc's face features with his fingers. He wants to touch everything : His hair, his skin, his eyes, his jaw, his lips. He wants to discover the secret in Marc's beauty. Nath's touch is like a caress for Marc.

"_ You're sculpting me! I'm your creation!"

Nath smiles. By doing that, Nath thinks he can finally manage to draw Marc perfectly. He explains that he had dozen of painting or portaits of Marc but he can't really graps what he's lacking in it. Then, Marc falls asleep under Nath's delicate touch. Nath decides to keep exploring Marc's body by touching his chest. Then he compares Marc's chest to his own and thinks of himself as a little boy while seeing Marc becoming a beautiful man. It makes him feel bad to see the difference between the two of them. Marc, while asleep, closes his arm around Nath. Nath is surprised. He wants to get away but doesn't want to wake up Marc who seemed peaceful. So, he embraces the sleeping boy back and nuzzle his head in Marc's chest. He falls alsleep angainst him.

When he wakes up, Marc is working at Nath's desk.

Present Nath apologizes for being selfish and for wanting Marc to be his. He thinks he has been punished for his Hybris. Now, he's tired and wants to fall in an eternal sleep where he can be with Marc again.

"When I was with you, the world felt right."


	8. Mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time it's not Nath writing in Marc's notebook.

It's _**La fête de la musique**_ on Juleka and Luka's boat. It became a habit. The Couffaine's family hosts this group's event while Chloé hosts the group's New Year Party. The **_Kitty Section_** changed their name and became the _**Gavroches**_. Marc suggested the name after the event of _**Heroes' Day**_. When he is not working with Nath on their comics, he is a consultant for the band because he knows a lot about music. Sometimes he also helps Rose, Juleka, Yvan and Luka with arrangement. Chloé also became part of the _**Gavroches**_ to everybody's surprise. She has a great voice and everybody in the group seems to appreciate that despite her scornful attitude towards others. 

Marc and Luka became great friends over time since _**Heroes' Day**_. Luka knows about Marc's crush on one of his classmates called "Nath". He thought at first this Nath was a girl before meeting him during another party on the boat. 

The _**Gavroches**_ have a concert on the boat, on the Debilly Shore, in front of the Eiffel Tower. Lots of people like to listen to the band from the shore and every year, there are more and more people coming and booths start to appear as well, selling food and drink. The _**Gavroches**_' concert became a classic place to pass by for Parisians during _**La fête de la musique**_. The party goes well everyone is enjoying their time, drinking and dancing till the end of the night. The party ends with a series of slow dances and Marc is watching Juleka and Rose dancing together with love in their eyes. He imagines what he would feel to dance with Nath like that.

After the party, Marc and Nath walk along la Seine hand in hand... as usual. The weather is nice. The moon is glowing in the sky. Nath remember the time he was Evillustrator and invited Marinette for a date. They laugh together at the memory. In front of Nath's house, they don't really want to say goodbye. Nath wants to invite Marc but he doesn't dare. He asks Marc to get on his knee since the punk boy is now way taller than him. Marc does so and Nath plays with Marc's hair! He does prefer his punk boy with bed hair. When Marc gets up, he catches Nath and the red head, suprised, is now in koala mode in Marc's arms. Nath asks him to set him back on the ground but Marc refuses with a big smile.

"_ I kidnap you!"

Nath is annoyed but still hang on Marc, scared to fall. They got to Nath's room like that. Nath is super scared and asks Marc several time to leave him but Marc always refuses until they're in Nath's room. Nath realized how strong Marc became, thanks to Kim's sport group's sessions. When they're in Nath room, it's dark, only the moon lighten the room. Marc goes to Nath's bed to leave him fall on his mattress. Nath still has his legs around Marc's torso because he knows that Marc will leave if he let him go. Marc climbs on him. They look each other in the eyes for a while. Nath wants to turn the light on.

"_ Don't do that!"   
"_ Why?"   
"_ Hum... Because I'm a vampire... You don't want to hurt me, right?"

Nath laughs and keeps playing Marc's game. He pretends he's scared with a sexy look and attitude.

"_ OOOHHH!!! My best friend is a vampire!!! He's gonna suck all the blood out of me!!! I'm soo scared!!!"

Marc growls and shows his teeth while approching Nath slowly. Nath gives his neck to the other boy who start kissing his skin tenderly. One kiss, two kisses, three kisses. Then come the teeth and the tongue on Nath's neck. It's super sensual. They're body against body. Nath embraces Marc to make him understand that he can keep going with what he is doing. he plunges his hands into Marc's hair. The he starts to feel that Marc is deep into it. Nath feels their hearts beat. He wants to open his mouth to let escape some sounds but feels like he will awaken the whole planet if he does such a thing. They both moan but keep their voice down as much as they can, enjoying their time like the rest of the world doesn't exist anymore. When Marc is done, he flushes like hell in the dark and he is embarrassed. They're both panting and Marc can sees that he left a dark mark on Nath's skin. He thinks he made a mistake. He tries to get off Nath's embrace.

"_ I should go back home!"   
"_ Don't say bullshit! Sleep here! And mom will be happy to see you tomorrow!"

They go to bed. but Marc doesn't want to face Nath. he is too ashamed. Nath knows that he will have to comfort his friend-not-so-friend anymore and tell him that what happens is not the end of them. But he's too tired to start the talk now. He caresses Marc's back tenderly and whispers a delicate "Bonne Nuit!" against his neck, followed by a light kiss.


	9. Rouge

Another year has passed for present Nath he is now 20yo, but when he looks to his present self in the mirror, he still thinks he looks like a kid with his baby face and how skinny he is. He says he pierced his ears but didn't get a tattoo since the only one he was ready to keep was those Marc left on his skin. He says it became a habits for them and explains their friendship evolved since this moment. Changing from friendship to something else they could define correctly. They liked to be together. They wanted to be together all the time.

Nath says is trapped in the past and that he can't find a way to move on. He's scared and feels there's no way he will be able to get over this. He lost the sight of reality. Everything seems grey to him and foods feels like ash in his mouth now. His friends try to convince him to meet new people but he rather stay alone. He writes that before he was full of emotions, burning feelings but now he's like dead inside. 

He wants to write in the notebook about some memories of the past but doesn't know anymore if it has been real one day. Did Marc ever exist or was he only a beautiful dream? 

Nath thinks about La Fête de la Musique and what happened after that in his room. He remembers that the day after, Marc was really shy and ashamed, so he had to explain that everything was allright. Nothing changed between them and that no one will know what happen since they won't be able to the the mark. They play together, see where their skinship can bring them. 

He remembers that Marc tried to avoid him several time because of what happened and that Alix was angry at him because she knew something happened between the two of them. She thought that fought and asked Nath to aoplogize to Marc because it was obvious that if something happened, it was his fault. He then tells that Alix and him beraly speak together because of his current attitude, and because Alix is tired of himself. But he's okay with that, it's hard to support someone who's always down. 

Then he's back in his memory and explains they spend most of the time at Nath's place. it was more convenient because Nath's drawing stuff were there. But sometimes, they go to Marc's place. Nath remembers the first time he saw Marc's room. 

"_ Swear you won't laugh!"

Nath describes it as it's a museum full of excentric things. Lots of posters of rock stars : David Bowie and others, explains the fact that Marc knew a lot about music and made Nath discovered a lot of thing about it in every genra. He also write about the tons of photos of both of them together on the wall : Lots of photos of a cosplayed Marc with funny faces. Nath explains it was for the sake of the comic. Marc portayed the new villains by cosplaying them and doing face for Nath to draw them better. And it became a habit for them. He remembers Marc being happy when wearing make-up, he was like himself. Nath helped Marc a lot in the process of make up and compared it to painting.

One day, after a long time of work on the comic, lying on the bed, Marc get an idea. He get up to take some stuff in his closet, sit back on the bed and asks Nath to sit, facing him, between his legs. Marc puts a headband on Nath to make his bang away, attached his hair in a pony tail. Then he started to lightly apply make up on Nath: foundation, blush, eyeshadows and red lipstick. When he's done, he shows the result to Nath in a small mirror. Nath finds himself beautiful. The red head take the headband away and they both start to flirt. Nath tells Marc it is his time to leave a mark on Marc... marc laugh at the pun... and then, Nath kisses Marc on the lips tenderly a first time. It is delicate, like a caress, a really light kiss on Marc's lips. Marc freeze. Nath smiles and does it again, and again. After a while, Marc finally responds to Nath's kisses and make it a little hotter. They share tongues and Marc cups Nath's ass to hold the boy strongly against him. He puts his hands under Nath t-shirt to touch his skin and caresses his back.

When they're finally out of breath, they seperate. They watch each other, have lipstick all around their mouth, like children have food all around their face. They laugh, they're happy, they're together.

"Our first kiss had the taste of lipstick."

Nath finally writes he still keeps a lipstick of the same colour than their first kiss ever since.


	10. Apollon, my mother and me

Nath writes in the notebook. He just woke up in his new appartment, half naked, half asleep on his sofa. His appartement is empty and cold. His mother finally let him go. He's 21yo. The previous day, the boys helped him to move out and the girls joined with food and drink after they finished to celebrate.

"I finally let go of my past by leaving my old self with Marc's ghost in my room."

He says that his old bedroom was like a golden jail for him and it was torture to sleep in his bed. Marc was everywhere in his room. 

Nath remembers about his mornings with Marc, when they used to sleep together in the same bed. He remembers the fact that he pretended to sleep while watching Marc getting off the bed and putting his clothes on. Marc loved to sleep only in underpants. So Nath could see his body and muscles, observing how much Marc changed in the few years they were together. Nath likes to watch his back, the muscles, the movements.

Sometimes he didn't want Marc to go away from his arms so he stays attached to him, pretending to sleep. Marc gets up anyways with Nath in his arms, hanging like a koala to his tree. Marc always takes a moment to kiss Nath's neck and shoulders with tons of light kisses, but Nath doesn't want to move. Then, Marc put his pants back and grabs his t-shirt from the floor, still having Nath in koala mode. He's hugging Marc. The tall boy goes to the kitchen like that and have to get rid of his boyfriend by making him sit on the chair. Mrs Kurtzberg always scolds Nath because his attitude towards Marc, while he puts his t-shirt on. Marc feels embarrassed by the situation everytime it happens.

Then Nath talks about his relation with his mother and the fact that Marc was really scared of her. The punk boy didn't want to make any move on Nath in front of his mother. Despite that, a few times, she saw them kissing. When such a thing happens, Marce always pushes Nath violently bask saying like an idiot:

"_ I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!"

Sometimes, in the morning, mom enters the bedroom while they are still both in bed sleeping to tell them that breakfast is ready. And when she does, Marc always falls of the bed, making Mrs Kurtzberg laugh.

When watching movies together with Nath's parents, Nath and Marc always sits together in a sofa under a blanket, secretly cuddling. But Marc can never watch a movie till the end and always falls asleep. His head falls on Nath's shoulder and his arm goes around Nath who likes that very much. When it is time to go to bed, Marc always wakes up, alarmed that he did something wrong in front of Nath's parents.

Nath writes that his mother loved Marc very much and that if she could she would have marry them...

"Marc is beautiful like Apollon!"

Another memory he has is about Marc always coming at his place with flowers. When Nath opens the door, the tall punk always freezes and ends up giving the flowers to his mother. This situation with flowers started before they end up together, but now, Nath understands that the flowers were for him and not his mother. He understands why his mother always put the flowers on his desk. These flowers he used to receive inspired a drawing. Indeed Nath drew a portrait of Marc smiling with a pencil only, with a crown made of flowers. And the crown is done with dried flowers coming from each bouquet.

Nath writes then that he doesn't have this portrait anymore, like any other drawing or painting he did of Marc. He had tons. He liked to paint Marc but never showed them and they all ended up hidden in his closet. Not even Marc saw them. He explains that he threw all of his all paintings away a year ago, thinking he could get better like that.


	11. Adrien Agreste

Nath spends the week end alone without Marc. His mom is worried they got into a fight but Nath appeases her. Marc seems to be busy at the moment with the _**Gavroches**_ and Nath needs to do something alone for once. He would have been very embarrassed if Marc was with him. So he feels relieved.

Nath feels blessed for having such understanding parents for him. He's a boy, with another boy, and their family is jewish. Despite having good parents, he's scared that part of the community might not understand that. Furthermore, even though are happy for him, they're still worried because there are some homophobic assaults around in the city*. Nath promises he would be really careful and explained he doesn't like showing sign of affection in public anyways.

He then kisses her mother goodbye and left to do some shopping.

He goes to la Fnac, but far away from the city center to make sure he wouldn't meet someone he knows. In the shop, he goes to a really special place filled with books that he his not supposed to read. He takes a look around, wants to be discreet. And he finally sees that no one is noticing him. He relaxes and start to watch the books in front of him. He sees lots of bodies on the covers, sensual words. He flushes. He knows he shouldn't be here. Actually, Nath studies how to give pleasure to his partner, since he knows one day his relationship with Marc will lead to this point. And if he knows how it works between a man and a woman, he's rather lost when it comes to man. He browses some books. flushes in the storeshelf, he remembers all the websites he visited as well. Yes, this is how sex works between 2 males partners, buddy!

Suddenly, Nath hears his name!

"_ Nathaniel!"

Nath freeze, turns his head around to see Adrien Agreste. He tries to hide the book he was reading behind him and remember where he was. He couldn't hide anything.

"_ A- A- Adrien?! What are you doing here?"

Adrien shows his basket full of anime blurays and explains he often comes here to do shopping. he likes it because he won't get annoyed by fans here. Adrien notices Nath's embarrassment and promises he won't says anything to anyone concerning Nathaniel's doing and wink. They go to the cashier together and Nathaniel hopes the cashier will not judge them concerning the book he buys but the cashier doesn't care. She just does her job.

Then Adrien invites Nath for a drink somewhere because he has some times off before his chinese class. Nath accepts and chooses a little coffee shop in a hidden street. Adrien thinks it's odd that Nath likes really small alley and hidden place. Nath explains they're like hidden treasures. Nath then promises himself that he would take Marc there if it's a nice shop.

At the coffee shop, Adrien and Nath talks a lot. Nath asks him about boys and girls. But Adrien says he can't do anything with his father behind him. Nath shares his doubts concerning sex and with this, implies directly he's finally with Marc. Adrien is happy for them. He will also keep it a secret since Nath doesn't feel confortable being public about it at the moment. Then, since Nath shared a secret, Adrien tells him a secret too. Something he can't even tell his best friend Nino, because of Alya's potential meddling.

"_ I'm seeing someone!"

But he doesn't say more. Nath wonders who's the girl might be but doesn't question Adrien about it. Everyone has secrets after all. They keep chatting till the end of the afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Homohobic assaults happens once in a while in France. And it happened in Paris while I was writing the chapter so I decided included it in the story.


	12. Evening Dress

It's almost the end of High school for the class. They all prepare le Baccalauréat and some of them have their results and knows where they can go if they succeed and pass their degree. But it's not the time to think about studies now. All the girls gets prepared for the last party of their school life! Chloé organizes it at Le Grand Hôtel and promised it would be their best party ever.

The girls all go to Marinette's place to get their dresses ready and Nath is also invited.

"_ Why? I'm not a girl!"

He's pissed off because he doesn't want to go and if he has to go, he wants Marc to be with him. Marc says he can't go because he has something else to do. Nath is more pissed off. Alix tells him he should calm down or he could get akumatized. Marc tells him he should go and enjoy the evening time and that maybe he will unveil some secrets.

They go to Marinette's. When they enter the bakery, Marinette's dad, Tom, offers croissants to everyone. Then, everyone go to Marinette's room and they work on the dresses. Nath doesn't really understand why he's here, in the middle of girls undressing without any embarrassment in front of his very eyes without really noticing him, trying their dress. He is drawing under mountains of fabrics and ribbons in a corner of the room. He tries not to pay attention to the girls.

After a while, a song* starts and fills the room. It's a song sung by Chloé that Juleka and Rose recorded during one of the Gavroches rehearsal for their last show. Juleka and Rose wear their dress and the mood suddenly changes in the room. Nath observed, intrigued. Alya puts a veil on Rose's head and declares both girls married. Juleka and rose kissed and the girls throws ribbons in the air and takes selfies they share with Chloé. Nath flushes and hopes that something like that could happen to Marc and him. They're both not public because Nath is still afraid by people's eyes but wish he can go through that soon. He looks the girls with envy and smiles. He than go back to his drawings. 

The girls' party continues and at some point, all the dresses are away, Nath think it's the end and that they can all leave and go back home. But, not now, the girls have a surprise for him. Marinette also designed something for him. A costume that they want him to try. He does, it fits him perfectly. But they're not done yet. Now the girls wants to play with his hair and put make up on him. He can't see his face until they're done and he 's scared of ending up bald. When they're finally done, he watches himself in the mirror.

"_ I look like a panda!"

And the girl have a last suprise for him. Alya gives him a pair of Louboutin. High heel boots.

"_ It's from Chloe!"

A reminder of Evillustrator. He doesn't want to try them. He's angry but finally does when Alix blackmails him

"_ I'm gonna send this lovely pix of you to Marc!"

Nath can never win if people mentions Marc all the time and wonder why Alix uses Chloé's technique of blackmail. He tries the boots... feels taller and wonder how tall he would be compare to Marc now he wear them. Now Marc is really taller than him and it bothers Nath who think he still look like the little boy he was.

The girls take a group shot and send it to the group talk online and they got response from everybody! Nath ask everybody to not show that to Marc who is not in the group talk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * The song in question : Ruelle - War of hearts accoustic version  
(No I don't watch ShadowHunters... I don't know this series. I discovered Ruelle thanks to Zayde Wolfe and the duet the sang together)
> 
> BONUS : If you want to see what Nath looks like:   
https://www.wattpad.com/680946255-j%27ai-oubli%C3%A9-de-te-dire-je-t%27aime-tenue-de-soir%C3%A9e  
https://www.wattpad.com/680946646-j%27ai-oubli%C3%A9-de-te-dire-je-t%27aime-tenue-de-soir%C3%A9e


	13. Gaga

Nath is almost done with his studies, he's 23yo. He listens to music in his appartment while working on his reports for his final exams. He hates to listen to some musics that reminds him of the last party they had in the end of high school. He writes about pleasuring himself and as much as he wants death by his side. Weird feelings mixing together.

Nath writes that before the party, he trained walking with the Louboutin. He wears them after because he's curious about his size. Then it's finally time to celebrate the end of their school life all together. They're all 18yo.

He arrives at le Grand Hôtel where the party is set and he is welcomed by Chloé. She looks at him, scanning him and Nath does the same. Chloé looks like a rock star, like Lady Gaga. Nath is certain that Chloé will tell him something bad.

"_ Marinette did a great job, you can go in! Your boyfriend is with the boys. They have a drink."

Nath is pissed, except Adrien, no one knows that they're together. So he doesn't like when Chloé mentions something like that.

He goes inside, and sees Marc from afar. He is taller than everyone. He goes to him. Marc has lots of hearts in his eyes when he sees Nath. He finds him beautiful and nath can sees that. Marc loves the boots. Nath thinks there is no difference wearing the boots after all, he still looks SMALL compared to his boyfriend. They hold hands together in their back because they don't want people to see! Marc also wears a wonderful outfit for the party. Then, they chitchat with their classmates.

Adrien arrives like a star, then Marinette arrives like a star wearing a wonderful dress with a full naked back. All the boys are stunned and find her beautiful. She looks like a princess! The party goes on. Nino is mixing. Then it's time for the _**Gavroches**_ to play their last concert. The public likes Chloe's songs and after a while the light is off. Marc asks Nath to stay where he is and then he goes away. When the spots go on again Chloe and him and a few others are starting to dance in the center of the hall. It's a dancing show and Marc is dancing! with Chloé! They're the leading couple. Nath thinks his boyfriend is amazing. He is beautiful, he can write wonderful stories, he can dance. And when the show is over the light is off again. When it's back again, Marc is singing on the stage with the _**Gavroches**_. Nath is stunned and amazed by Marc's voice. This voice he hated so much when he was younger! Marc has a powerful voice that convey tons of feelings.

"[You told me how to brave](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giw-xXt3kqE)"

Nath understands better why he fell i love with him. When the show is over, people wants to hear more.

"_ ENCORE!"

Marc goes back to Nath and apologize for being absent recently. Nath says it's okay and understands why now. Then it's time for people to dance again. Marc asks Nath for a dance. They dance together and Marc decide to kiss Nath. Nath is embarrassed but nothing strange happens and everybody don't care about that. They're happy, they're in love. Nath feels then more comfortable.

Then a big slap happens!

"_ NO!"

Everything stops and everyone want to find out what happens. Adrien tried to kiss Marinette while they were dancing but Marinette slapped him. No one understand the situation. Then Marinette leaves the party and so does Adrien.

"_ WHO STOPPED THE MUSIC?????!!!!!"

After the incident, back to the party. It's almost the end, they all go on the roof because there are fireworks outside to celebrate the end of High school.

After that Marc goes to Nath's house. They make love like they never did before. On a sidenote, Nath recalls their first times having sex. The fact that it was super awkward and ridiculous. He takes note on the fact that romance movies and book can lie about how the first time for people is not always the most beautiful one and that for Marc and him it's because they learn to trust each other and to communicate that it became better and better. He writes about their first times. When Marc did want to penetrate Nath, Nath knockd him in the face by accident. But Marc wanted to keep going anyways and when he finally entered. He was done right away. Marc felt ashamed! But Nath conforted him. he knew something like that could happened because he read it in books. (He studied for that after all)

When it was Nath's turn to enter Marc (not during the same time.). Nath just couldn't get it up because he put too much pression on himself. Anyways, their first time together were a magistral fail. But, now it's different, they know each other perfectly and they know how to pleasure each other. Marc makes love to Nath, Nath makes love to Marc. They love each other until Nath falls asleep in Marc's arm. He's too tired.

When Nath wakes up the next morning, he's naked, the bed is cold. Marc is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Here it is! It's the end of the first part. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it a bit despite the poor english summarization of it. The full book is almost 700 pages long so it's a lot of work to do. and the end of Part 1 is not even the middle of the book! 
> 
> Anyways, I thought the first part as a loop. She story starts after the event written in Gaga, and it's an opportunity for Nath to think about his life with Marc since they met when they were 14/15yo. 
> 
> Nath's world is rather small and only revolves around His mother, Marc and art... and as much as the story progresses different topics are developped : Puberty, discomfort with your body, the birth of desire and love and growing up. Life is not always beautiful, and people come and go and I wanted to depict that with Nath's eyes. Which seems to me to be a rather accurate character to do that. On the other hand, Marc is always shown as a really positive character. He's always in the light, like he's Nath's guide. And when he disappears, Nath's world collapse. 
> 
> I don't know if you're interested in what will happen next, let me know because the summaries are ready. 
> 
> Also a friend of mine told me that the "google translation" is not "that bad" and readable, so if you find the courage, i strongly recommend to read the fulll story that you can find here :  
https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/163998931-jai-oubli-de-te-dire-je-taime
> 
> Next Page... I still leave you with the visual for part 2 which is way shorter than part 1. The world expands... and we'll find out more about the context and what is happening. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for you support and let me know if you want to keep reading this story!


	14. Part 2 : CHAT NOIR




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